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What's wrong with me?
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It’s gonna be alright…

Use this affirmation when you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

Everything will work out fine. 🙂

What's wrong with me?

For more affirmations, go here.

Vida Las Vegas Magazine

Vida Las Vegas Magazine

I’ve been featured in this month’s issue of Vida Las Vegas Magazine!

Check it out:

addiction in teenagers
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The Art of Becoming Bigger Than Your Addictions – 5 Tips to Help You Clean Up Your Act

addiction in teenagers 
 
This post is relevant to teenagers, parents of teenagers, teachers, therapists, social workers, life coaches or anyone who works with teens and anyone who has ever struggled with addictions. 

 

As a teenager, I had many addictive behaviors. I was a cutter, I smoked stuff, I snorted stuff, popped pills, drank and was completely out of control.

There is nothing cool about this.

These things will never be cool.

And they will definitely never make you cool.

But I get why you might think so. That’s what I thought.

 

Part of it was wanting to be accepted (not so much with cutting, but I’ll save that for another post).

Part of it was not being able to process my emotions.

Part of it was because I didn’t like who I was – and actually had no idea who I was.

But I think (know) the bulk of it was I didn’t feel like I deserved any better.

In other words, I had given up on a better life because it seemed impossible.

 

So I let myself become lost in my addictions.

They became stronger and more powerful than me.

Because I let them.

It was easier to just be high all the time.

You get it.

 

I had friends who weren’t my friends.

Who made fun of me.

Who talked about me behind my back.

 

And it’s okay.

 

I wasn’t very nice myself.

Because I didn’t know how to be nice to myself.

So how could I be nice to other people?

How could they be kind to me?

We just didn’t know anything else.

 

When I decided to stop, I had one person by my side. My boyfriend at the time was the only person there when I was ready to quit. In fact, he saved my life. Well, he helped me save my own life.

 

By believing in me.

By believing there was more to me than my addictions.

And by just being there until I could learn how to be there for myself.

 

So that brings us to…

 

Tip #1: Have Support

Find someone who will reflect your beauty and perfection back to you. Someone who won’t judge you and who will encourage you. This person is there to support you in becoming more of who YOU are. It doesn’t have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. And in fact that can sometimes get messy. I recommend (if you’re a teenager) finding an adult you feel comfortable talking to. It could be a therapist, counselor or life coach who specializes in working with youth (that’d be me).

 

Tip #2: Write in a Journal

Remember when I said I couldn’t process my emotions? Journaling made it possible for me to do so. Let yourself feel your emotions and express them without holding back. Get it all out. I loved writing throughout my recovery.

 

Tip #3: Know What You Want and Why You Want It

See this as an opportunity to go on an inward journey. As you release your addictions, you unravel layers upon layers of false beliefs. About yourself. About the world. About the entire nature of reality. Every time you do this, more of your truth is revealed. This is the time to dream about a better and brighter future. Write down everything you want to be, do and have and start taking steps towards your goals. Remember why you want to achieve them because the more you can connect with your “why” the quicker and easier you’ll reach your goals.

 

Tip #4: Meditate or Find Some Other Relaxation Technique

The goal of meditating is to get you connected to your wise inner self. Some benefits of meditation include: improved concentration, better health and a calmer + happier disposition. When you practice stilling your mind, you become more self aware and better able to recognize and acknowledge your thoughts and feelings and therefor increase your power and ability to let them go. You can start by sitting in a quiet place for just a couple minutes and breathing very slowly and deliberately. Listen to the sound of your own breath and if any thoughts come up, imagine putting them in a bubble and letting them float away.

 

Tip #5: Eat Good Food, Sleep Well and Take Supplements

One of the first things I did when I stopped using was focused on eating right. I was already a vegetarian, but now a very healthy one. I received many benefits from fasting, doing cleanses, taking vitamins and eliminating a bunch of stuff from my diet. Soy (in excess messes with your hormones, which is especially bad if you’re a teenage girl), gluten and dairy to name a few. Your inner ecosystem greatly impacts your thinking and mood. I strongly believe in the power of natural medicine as its truly the only thing that’s ever helped me.

 

So that’s it!

These 5 things have all proven to be effective for me and continue to be a huge part of my life.

I hope you find them as helpful as I have.

 

Now, let’s journal! Grab a pen and paper, jot these questions down and then write out your answers.

 

What do I wish to accomplish in the next year?

Why?

 

p.s. Today I made one of my favorite soups EVER. The recipe is from The Body Ecology Diet which was practically my bible for a good year. I scanned the recipe for you. Get it here.

p.p.s. It’s toddler approved.

carrie leigh sandoval loves adin isaac sandoval

 

 

 

 

 

 

Questions? Comments? What was your biggest insight from this post? Please share in the comments box below. 

self-harm mental health
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A Former Cutter’s Rant

The following is a poetic retelling of my experience with cutting, panic disorder, drugs and rejection. It is my intention to give those with similar experiences a voice. To say, you’re not alone. You’re okay. This won’t last forever. You’ve got this. You’re doing just fine.

It bothered me that you didn’t ask.
I hated how you pretended you didn’t notice.
I heard what you said about me behind my back.
But I didn’t say a word.
I believed every word you said.
I didn’t look up.
I stared at the ground.
You said I was scary,
But I was just scared.
You said I was crazy,
But I wasn’t even there.
I was nowhere to be found.
I didn’t exist.
That’s why I have these scars on my wrists.
You didn’t ask,
But now I’m going to tell you.
When you can’t handle your life,
Your options are few.
When you can’t handle your life,
No one can handle you.
It’s not that I wanted to be this way.
I hate the words “are you okay?”
So riddled with expectation.
I had to say yes.
I had to pretend.
Did I pass the test?
Is this a test?
Hello, can you hear?
No my dear, you’re all alone here.
I’m just a notebook.
Remember me?
Snap out of it Carrie.
Hear my plea, hear my plea.
“Stop it.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Here we go again.”
The worst things to hear
When no one hears you.
“Hey, we’ve given up on you.”
A lost cause.
A statistic.
A textbook example.
Of a girl who’s lost her mind.
What’s the diagnosis?
Bipolar’s just fine.
Oh labels, let’s dance.
I’ll give you a chance.
Friends are my fears.
Bad habits and jokes.
Friends are manic.
Depression.
And dope.
Good day.
Let’s play.
Take a dip.
Take a spin.
Now I’m spun.
Wow, she’s even crazier than before.
She’s talking to herself.
She’s hard to ignore.
Well, not that hard.
Let’s just close the door.
Let’s leave her there.
Yawn.
What a bore.
She’s exhausting.
And she hardly says a word.
She’s stuck in her notebook.
In her own little world.
My world is the only world that is safe.
But do you think I don’t hear every word you say?
I can recite it back to you if that’s what you’d like.
I can tell you
Whatever you’d like.
I’m here to please you.
It’s what I do best.
Are you impressed?
I doubt it.
I can’t breathe.
This pressure is too much.
When, oh God when will I be enough?
I said I can’t breathe.
Can I please disappear?
Crazy crazy crazy crazy.
Fear fear fear.
The thoughts just get louder.
And louder.
And then.
I grab something
To make the pain end.
I have to feel something
Other than this.
I have to feel something.
Is this all there is?
Oh razor blade, you’ll have to do.
Alright arms and legs,
I’m going to cut you.
Relief starts to spread
As the blade touches my skin.
I have to go deeper. 
I have to win.
I didn’t want to die.
At least not all the time.
I didn’t want to die.
I just wanted to fly.
Far far away.
And never come back.
I’m back to my senses.
This blood is bright red.
I notice.
I see.
I am not in my head.
My thoughts are now focused
On this puddle of blood.
The torture has ceased.
I can hear myself breathe.