Affirmation for self love
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Not Sorry for Being Me

I’m sitting in the car (the mom van), with the warmth of the sun infusing only the left side of my body. I’ve arrived at my destination, the Cure playing softly in the background, but I am sitting in the parking lot because I need to write a letter.

It is to you, reader of this, it is to peers past and it is to myself so that I can see that the past is history and today is a new day.

I want to say that I’m sorry. I want to say that I am sorry that it has taken me so long to reach this point, this perspective, this understanding of myself.

I want to say that I’m sorry I was so self destructive and I’m sorry that I took you down with me.

(I lower the music so that I can type more authentically, so that the sound of my own thoughts are dominating what I’m creating, so that I AM creating rather than being the destructive force).

I’m sorry that I hurt myself.

I’m sorry if that hurt you.

I’m sorry I didn’t try to understand where you were coming from. I’m sorry that you couldn’t understand where I was coming from.

I’m sorry I didn’t see my own value and I’m sorry I was unable to see the value of our relationship.

I’m sorry that I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to say. I’m sorry I never realized that I was enough. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry for cheating. I’m sorry that better choices were seemingly unavailable to me during that time and that you suffered because of it.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you completely. I hope you know it’s because I couldn’t love myself. I’m sorry I manipulated. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you your opinion more often.

But, for the first time in my life, I can honestly say, I’m not sorry for being me. You’re brilliant. You’re beautiful. And yeah, so am I. So. Am. I.