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carrie leigh sandoval manifesto
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Manifesto Magnifico

Manifesto

man·i·fes·to/ˌmanəˈfestō/
noun
a public declaration of policy and aims.

Magnifico

mag·nif·i·co/maɡˈnifəˌkō/
noun
an eminent, powerful, or illustrious person.

carrie leigh sandoval manifesto

I had so much fun creating this manifesto as part of Amethyst Mahoney’s connect challenge. 

Here’s a template (from Amethyst) to create your own: 

Life is like _______________________________________________.
It is perfectly reasonable to ______________________________.
When I wake up in the morning, I want to feel ______________________________.
My most important purpose is to ______________________________.
My fantasy is _______________________________________________.
______________________________ is a “Yes!”
No is ______________________________.
I value ______________________________.

Having your own manifesto around you will help remind you what makes you you and what you will and won’t stand for. It’s so easy to get lost in others’ opinions, beliefs and values, so…

Have this on hand in case you forget. 🙂

Perfectionism and self-harm
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[Day 10] Perfectionism and Self-Harm

Perfectionism and self-harm

It’s day 10 of the blog challenge. Have a blog and want to join? Go here.

Today’s topics could not have arrived at a better time. They are:

1) What goal have you failed to reach, and what did you learn from it?

OR

2) How does perfectionism affect your life (now or in the past)?

I’ve chosen to add my own spin to this by writing about the link between perfectionism and self-harm.

First, let’s take a look at what self-harm is. Here is a blurb from Rader Programs:

Self harm is defined as the act of causing self injury to one’s own body. Self harm is also referred to as self injury, self abuse, self inflicted violence, self mutilation and para suicide. Similar to eating disordered behavior, the self harming behavior is participated in to help the individual cope with, take control of, block out and release unwanted feelings and emotions. The most common act of self harm is cutting.

If you’re interested in learning more or know someone who has been affected by self-harm, please go here to view all my articles on this topic.

Legal disclaimer: The information provided below is not intended to replace the medical advice of a qualified health care professional or to be used as therapy. Carrie Leigh Sandoval assumes no responsibility for the results generated. If you are feeling triggered, please stop reading and call 1-800-DONTCUT immediately.

Perfectionism – it stands over you, watching, judging, waiting to critique. It stalks your every word, every facial expression, every action and reaction.

It reminds you of one thing all the time:

“You will never ever be good enough.”

Perfectionism is the comparison queen, the never ending stream of “how can I be better?” which really just means…

When will I be good enough for someone to love me?

I used to associate love with not being criticized. “If I just do everything right and make everyone happy then maybe I can be happy too.”

Wrong.

Perfectionism itself becomes an additive cycle of self-abuse – whether or not there is physical harm involved. Self-harm just happens to be the extreme version.

Perfectionism + the inability to cope + the inability to express the pain =  self-harming to find relief.

It takes over your life if you let it. It becomes your reason, your motivation for doing things.

But it doesn’t have to.

7 Important Truths Every Perfectionist Must Learn to Accept
  • Not everyone is going to like you – and no one is going to like you if you don’t like yourself.
  • You are not your mistakes.
  • Tweet: Making mistakes does not make you a failure.
  • Mistakes = opportunities to grow.
  • You don’t have to get it right the first time.
  • Your worth does not depend on anything outside of you.
  • You are enough. Right now. And always.
3 Things You Must Master to Stop Being a Slave to Perfectionism
1. Question the validity of your brain’s claims

Be aware of the lies your mind tells you. Is the world going to end if you don’t do xyz at the exact time you said you would? Probably not. Will someone be upset? Possibly. Are you responsible for their reaction? Nope.

If you notice your thoughts hijacking your emotions, stop, breathe and ask yourself, “is this really worth freaking out about right now?” It’s okay to have the thoughts and emotions you have, but often “freaking out” becomes a natural response because we think we have to. But freaking out doesn’t change anything.

2. Have outlets for perfectionism

If perfectionism is infiltrating every area of your life, find some places where you can get it all out. A hobby, if you will. A place where you can obsess about the details without it controlling your life. Because the more you try to suppress it, the more it’ll show up in different areas.

I find great peace and satisfaction building with Legos. The way the pieces fit perfectly and everything is symmetrical is very pleasing to my noggin.

Some other things that comes to mind are:

  • Crafts – woodworking maybe?
  • Cleaning – not really a hobby, but I know I feel better after I clean
  • Making music
  • Puzzles

The key is: the minute it stops being fun, just walk away.

3. Celebrate mistakes + thank your perfectionism for trying to help you in the best way it knows how

Here at the Sandoval residence when someone makes a mistake we say, “Yay, I made a mistake!” We’re not robots and I’m pretty sure even robots aren’t perfect. It’s what makes us beautiful. It’s how we learn. And it’s all good.

Find the gift in every “mistake” you think you’ve made.

And thank your perfectionism for all the ways it does help you. Because really this part of you is just looking for a little love and you’re the only person who can give it to yourself.

How has perfectionism affected you? What practices help you keep it in check? Leave me a comment below.