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The Extra Pieces

I did a lot of scary things last week.

Put my website back up, submitted a poem to an online journal, did my first speech.

Made it public on YouTube (see it here).

All scary because they all involve confronting one of my biggest fears and something I usually avoid at all costs: rejection.

It has taken me down so many times, but it’s also stopped me from doing anything at all.

Because even if it hasn’t happened yet, I’m afraid it will.

My mind likes to take it a step further by convincing me I will be forever rejected and hated.

I would like to be okay with that.

Not believe it’s true, but welcome rejection, tell it to fucking bring it and turn it into motivation.

Or at least not be so afraid of it.

No one really wants to be hated.

I’m no exception.

But truth is, I don’t feel likeable.

I know I’m loved by my family, but I don’t feel like an integral part of the world.

I feel like an extra piece that doesn’t fit.

Is the mistake believing I should fit? Am I trying too hard to shove myself into a space I wasn’t made for?

Maybe I need to think outside the box, or in this case, outside of the puzzle.

Maybe I have to find a way to live outside of it.

Maybe if I search for all the other extra pieces we can make our own picture.


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