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poetry-a-poem-about-failure
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Failure Poem

Here is a poem I wrote a while ago. I recently submitted this failure poem to a poetry contest. Writing poems has been a go-to skill for me because I find I often don’t know what else to do to process what I’m feeling.

I was never meant to follow your lead.
It’s not that you didn’t have anything to teach.
I just wasn’t designed to think
in
one
straight
line.
It takes me more than 3 easy steps
even if it’s been proven a million times.
You had what I thought I wanted.
I put my soul on mute.
Nothing but a machine who could not compute
how anyone could go on living this way
day after day after day after day.
My mind doesn’t want to be on repeat.
It wants the freedom to dream and to speak.
Without the words carefully planned.
Without the expectations or any demands.
To speak for the sake of speaking.
To love for the sake of being.
I stopped trusting myself when I saw your way work for you.
I thought if I changed enough it’d work for me too.
But the world doesn’t need me to be anything else.
And neither do I.
Because there’s beauty in failure.
And in failure I’ve found,
The beauty within me.
My own sound.

 

 

Working for the man
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[Day 8] Lessons Learned Working for the Man

Working for the man

Today’s day 8 of the 30 day blog challenge. If you’ve got a blog and want to sign up, it’s not too late. Go here.

Quote of the day

“It is not death that a man should fear. Let him fear instead never beginning to live.” -Marcus Aurelius

Today’s topics:

1) Favorite Day Job you ever had

OR

2) Least favorite day job/funny story about working

My First Job
penelope

My sweet Penelope was the best part of working at the pet store!

Aside from babysitting jobs, the first job job I ever had was at a pet store. Honestly I wanted to be around people as little as possible (highly sensitive person/introvert) and felt working with animals would be a stress-reliever for me. It was.

Though it was still scary and I struggled to talk to people, I feel like it was a great first job experience. It taught me some important things about myself:

  • I am responsible and capable.
  • I care about what I do – whatever it is.
  • I have to be careful with this because I have the tendency to do others’ work for them.
  • I have the right to speak up and be treated with respect.

I ended up quitting this job shortly after I purchased weenie dog  because I felt like the owners were taking advantage of me (at 16 I didn’t yet understand that I was attracting this experience). It felt really good to quit because I knew in my heart I deserved better.

My All Time Favorite Job

My most favorite job ever was working at a raw food restaurant. I got to be in charge of opening the store in the morning, prepping food and running the front register.

The best part was the people (and the free food). It was woowoo paradise. Someone always had something to share with me (be it wisdom, jewelry, hand-writing analysis, healthy eating tips or just a smile) and I loved being able to share my knowledge with those new to the raw food lifestyle.

As I shared in this post, food is something that really helped me get sober, feel better and honor my body, so this place was perfect for me to practice a healthy lifestyle. Remember: one of the quickest ways to change something is to surround yourself with people who are doing or have already done what you want to do.

Tales of A Banquet Server

From the time I turned 21 until this day, I have been a part time banquet server. When I first got this job, I loved it, then I hated it and now I’m learning to love it again.

Negatives

  • If I allow it, it reminds me of how I’ve “failed.” Thoughts like “I shouldn’t still need this job” pop into my head often. I have to remind myself “it’s only temporary” and “I’m not my job.”
  • I feel like someone is constantly looking for and waiting for me to screw up. But, since other people are a reflection of me, I get to see how I do this to myself and from there can choose to do something different.
  • The uniform. I can’t stand not being able to wear what I want to wear. I kinda look and feel like a ventriloquist dummy. Which is funny and ironic because I think it’s a great metaphor for working for the man.

Positives

  • For as much as my co-workers complain, I seem to have a different experience. When I make the decision to have a good day, I do. The people who come and talk to me are nice, the people I serve are polite. My “assignment” is easy. Sometimes all I have to do is fold napkins.
  • It’s a great outlet for my perfectionism – I get to go all OCD when I’m setting tables.
  • I’ve sold some of my books to co-workers – and they found it really helpful!
  • I get to practice what I preach – it is a huge challenge to stay in my own energy/vibration when being there, but I get to remember that I always have a choice.
  • I get to work on my people skills, including truly showing up in service.
  • It keeps me humble.
  • The contrast allows me to clarify what I do want – with even more enthusiasm.

Insights

  • Life is what we make it.
  • I can let other people help me.
  • I’m a good leader/organizer.
  • I can work as part of a team.
  • There are positives in EVERYTHING.
  • This quote sums it up:

“You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your f@#%ing khakis. You are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”

― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

  • You can’t change anything by hating it.
  • You can’t love anything without loving yourself.

All in all, what I have learned is every challenge helps us develop something we didn’t know we had in us.

It helps us step up, activate our highest commitments and take that leap of faith.

Tips for Parents with Teens:
  1. When helping teens look for their first job,  keep in mind what type of personality they have – introvert/extrovert? Works better on own or working for someone else?
  2. Talk about money in a positive way – make sure they know money isn’t the end-all.
  3. Talk about your values – your teen may not have the same values as you, but make sure you discuss what you feel and why you feel that way and encourage your teen to do the same.

I would love to hear some J-O-B stories from you. What have you learned from working for the man and how are you using this to help you create more of what you do want? Leave me a comment below.

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Love. But How?

This post first appeared on Many Writers and was written by Frances Daphne. Whether you believe in God or not, this a beautiful and well-written post on the topic of love.

Personally, I’ve always been fascinated and in love with learning about all religions and I appreciate them all.

So, let’s hear it for Frances!

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, & with all your mind.

This is the greatest & the 1st commandment. The 2nd is like it:

You shall love your neighbour as yourself.

The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments

Matthew 22:37-40

The question is, how do I love? I do not know how to love, Lord. I thought I did, but I gave up. I recently came to a point that I decided I had best be alone. I have come to prefer solitude over company – so that I may never have to let anyone down; never have to offend anyone; quietly learn to co exist peacefully with others and offer up prayers for them– without going the extra mile to mingle. I have grown tired of my human condition, and also of the many unloving things people do unwittingly. I do not blame them for being unloving. But I do see that we live in a world that knows no love. True Unselfish Love.

I do not know how to love– yet I know what is unloving. Funny huh?!

St.Paul writes a Hymn of love. Perfect Love of God:

LOVE  is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous. LOVE is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude. It does not seek its own interests, it is not quick tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. LOVE  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. LOVE never fails.

REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH.

This truth, what is it? Truth. The truth — I suppose, is LOVE itself. Because St.Paul explains if we have everything (all knowledge, eloquence, ability etc) but no love, we are nothing (1Corinthians13:1-3)

Then I look back at what I wrote above -about my preference for solitude. I admit – that is self-seeking. I am protecting my own interests. From what? From disappointment. But as God’s definition of Christian love shows — LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS.

I used to live in a bubble. I still do. I feel that people SHOULD be kind. People SHOULD believe in second chances. That people SHOULD NOT gossip/backstab. That if there is any unhappiness, one SHOULD approach the other and gently clear the air — so that the person concerned CAN grow into a better individual. Or if there is no way we can feedback to the person involved– then at least avoid speaking bad of the person. I had always felt this way. . . Until I saw people whom I trusted do the most unloving things I thought true friends wouldn’t do. I couldn’t bring myself to love them. I felt disgust within me. And then I felt disgusted at myself for feeling this way toward them.

LOVE DOES NOT BROOD IN INJURY, IT DOES NOT REJOICE OVER WRONGDOING. .. . BUT REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH.

I failed to see the truth — the truth is — we are all flawed. My perfect little thought bubble of human relationships. The people I allowed into my little bubble of idealism. They are MY NEIGHBOUR.

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF.  

How would I like myself to be loved?

I would like to be given second chances. I would like to be remembered for the joy and goodness I bring to this world. I would like to be given space when I tire (but that is me alone, how do I know how others would like to be treated?). I would like to be understood for my good intentions — and not be misinterpreted and misconstrued by others. And so… this is how I should love my neighbour, isn’t it? The least I can do is give my heart to understanding them – and if I cannot understand them, then at least — BELIEVE in goodness. Believe in the goodness that they are capable of. Because — that is truly how I want to be loved.

Because I feel sad by the unloving experiences I have received (and given out to others, sadly)– I wish not to face this sadness anymore. Thus my preference for solitude. Because, when you are alone with Christ – Jesus who is pure love, never disappoints. I love the gentle peace, the quiet embrace, and the silence. The silence through which my soul sings in gratitude for making it through each day.

Then, in the silence, I also receive this message: Love me. Love my people.

God is a God of relationship. He is not a lonely God.

And so, I am called to respond.

Love. But how?

“Have I tried? Have I really tried to love this way? By doing, by trying, this is the only way to learn to love. Day by Day- to practise – to try, to fail – but it’s okay. It is a progress & needs preparation. It is worthwhile in the end. It is to enrich.  Start over. Again & Again. We are on a journey. WE ARE NOT THERE YET. ”

[heard during Advent Recollection  (with Verbum Dei missionaries]

Frances, fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. For I am your God. I will strengthen you, & help you, & uphold you with my right hand of justice. Fear not. I will help you. (Isaiah 41:10,13)

Have courage to step forward. Start with a step. One step to Love. To stumble.. to fall… And then, to Love. Again and Again.

Because Love hopes all things… and.. Love never ends. 

This is how. This is what Love is really about. Are you ready, Frances?

 
Your story matters
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Your Story Matters (Affirmation)

Your story matters. It’s true.

And more importantly, it deserves to be told.

Don’t deny any part of your past.

It has made you who you are.

And you are wonderful just as you are.

Your story matters