Poetic, prophetic, pathetic.

depression poem
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Depression Poem

Depression poems – there are a lot of them I’m sure. Here’s a poem I just wrote as I sat, depressed, trying to do something I once enjoyed doing. Depression is no joke. So here is another depression poem to add to the collection.

depression poem

poetry-a-poem-about-failure
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Failure Poem

Here is a poem I wrote a while ago. I recently submitted this failure poem to a poetry contest. Writing poems has been a go-to skill for me because I find I often don’t know what else to do to process what I’m feeling.

I was never meant to follow your lead.
It’s not that you didn’t have anything to teach.
I just wasn’t designed to think
in
one
straight
line.
It takes me more than 3 easy steps
even if it’s been proven a million times.
You had what I thought I wanted.
I put my soul on mute.
Nothing but a machine who could not compute
how anyone could go on living this way
day after day after day after day.
My mind doesn’t want to be on repeat.
It wants the freedom to dream and to speak.
Without the words carefully planned.
Without the expectations or any demands.
To speak for the sake of speaking.
To love for the sake of being.
I stopped trusting myself when I saw your way work for you.
I thought if I changed enough it’d work for me too.
But the world doesn’t need me to be anything else.
And neither do I.
Because there’s beauty in failure.
And in failure I’ve found,
The beauty within me.
My own sound.

 

 

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Ode to My People

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”

Your job is to be you.

It’s the greatest thing you’ll ever do.

You feel so much.

You do so much.

Do you know that it’s enough?

You are enough.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re a human being.

Everyone else is too.

Pick up the pieces of peace as you go.

Your heart will grow and grow and grow.

You know?

You know.

 

self-harm mental health
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A Former Cutter’s Rant

The following is a poetic retelling of my experience with cutting, panic disorder, drugs and rejection. It is my intention to give those with similar experiences a voice. To say, you’re not alone. You’re okay. This won’t last forever. You’ve got this. You’re doing just fine.

It bothered me that you didn’t ask.
I hated how you pretended you didn’t notice.
I heard what you said about me behind my back.
But I didn’t say a word.
I believed every word you said.
I didn’t look up.
I stared at the ground.
You said I was scary,
But I was just scared.
You said I was crazy,
But I wasn’t even there.
I was nowhere to be found.
I didn’t exist.
That’s why I have these scars on my wrists.
You didn’t ask,
But now I’m going to tell you.
When you can’t handle your life,
Your options are few.
When you can’t handle your life,
No one can handle you.
It’s not that I wanted to be this way.
I hate the words “are you okay?”
So riddled with expectation.
I had to say yes.
I had to pretend.
Did I pass the test?
Is this a test?
Hello, can you hear?
No my dear, you’re all alone here.
I’m just a notebook.
Remember me?
Snap out of it Carrie.
Hear my plea, hear my plea.
“Stop it.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Here we go again.”
The worst things to hear
When no one hears you.
“Hey, we’ve given up on you.”
A lost cause.
A statistic.
A textbook example.
Of a girl who’s lost her mind.
What’s the diagnosis?
Bipolar’s just fine.
Oh labels, let’s dance.
I’ll give you a chance.
Friends are my fears.
Bad habits and jokes.
Friends are manic.
Depression.
And dope.
Good day.
Let’s play.
Take a dip.
Take a spin.
Now I’m spun.
Wow, she’s even crazier than before.
She’s talking to herself.
She’s hard to ignore.
Well, not that hard.
Let’s just close the door.
Let’s leave her there.
Yawn.
What a bore.
She’s exhausting.
And she hardly says a word.
She’s stuck in her notebook.
In her own little world.
My world is the only world that is safe.
But do you think I don’t hear every word you say?
I can recite it back to you if that’s what you’d like.
I can tell you
Whatever you’d like.
I’m here to please you.
It’s what I do best.
Are you impressed?
I doubt it.
I can’t breathe.
This pressure is too much.
When, oh God when will I be enough?
I said I can’t breathe.
Can I please disappear?
Crazy crazy crazy crazy.
Fear fear fear.
The thoughts just get louder.
And louder.
And then.
I grab something
To make the pain end.
I have to feel something
Other than this.
I have to feel something.
Is this all there is?
Oh razor blade, you’ll have to do.
Alright arms and legs,
I’m going to cut you.
Relief starts to spread
As the blade touches my skin.
I have to go deeper. 
I have to win.
I didn’t want to die.
At least not all the time.
I didn’t want to die.
I just wanted to fly.
Far far away.
And never come back.
I’m back to my senses.
This blood is bright red.
I notice.
I see.
I am not in my head.
My thoughts are now focused
On this puddle of blood.
The torture has ceased.
I can hear myself breathe.
 
 
Breathe art
,

I Can Create

Awake.

Alert.

Happy.

Excited.

Ready for the rest of the day.

Ready to be me.

Ready to remember to do what it takes.

Willing to flow.

Willing to glow.

Willing to grow.

Big.

Bigger.

Biggest.

The biggest light I’ve ever seen.

Thats me.

And that’s who I’m going to be.

Not just today, but in all the days ahead.

It is written.

It is said.

Out of my head.

Yes.

Out out OUT.

Inside my heart there is no doubt.

Free.

Free.

Free to be me.

Breathe.

BREATHE.

Breathe deeply.

Loudly.

Strongly.

Deliberately.

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Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

I stumbled upon this again and love it so much I decided to share it.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

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Puzzle Pieces

Souls watching

Never forgetting

That this is just a charade

Meticulously placed puzzle pieces

Our bodies

Our soul’s puppets

Infused into this body

But not this body

Ah, but it’s so easy to forget.