If anyone has ever called you crazy, this is for you. You’re not alone.

, , ,

Creation vs. Destruction

Hoods is still alive, but the flowers he's been sleeping and peeing on are not.

Hoods is still alive, but the flowers he’s been sleeping and peeing on are not.

Some days are significantly more challenging than others.

But rest assured, those are the days that will teach you the most.

That is, if you’re choosing to look for what they might be teaching you.

There is a destructive part of you.

Call it the past.

Call it ego.

Call it fear.

Call it whatever you’d like, but decide that it doesn’t get to overpower you any longer.

You’ve made it this far because you’ve chosen.

And you keep choosing not to listen to old thoughts.

And you keep finding new ones that feel just a little better.

Because it feels good.

And it’s just the right amount of good.

Not so much that you’ll be overwhelmed with the big change.

But enough to keep you seeking.

Keep you wondering.

Keep you hungry for more.

Because you’re a creator.

No longer are you willing to listen to what the destroyer has to say.

You’ve had enough.

You’re ready.

You’re ready to change your life.

And you’re in the process of transforming it right now.

Some days its easier to forget you’ve got a choice.

Some days there isn’t a doubt in your mind.

It’s all ebb and flow.

It’s all perfect.

And we’re ALL doing our best to remember that.

JOURNAL TIME!

The past has served a great purpose in your life (in all of our lives).
Today, write about your biggest life lessons.
And how they have impacted you.
Now write down and answer the following question:
If I had one core lesson or message to share with the world, what would it be?
(Mine is “you are enough and you can do anything”)

 

 

CHYEAH!
, , , ,

1 2 3 4 Years Sober (Journal Time!)

CHYEAH!

 

Yep, that’s right.

I’ve been sober for four years.

From EVERYTHING.

Not a drink.

Not a puff of the ganj.

Nada.

Chyeah!

I’m excited (if you can’t tell).

For two reasons.

That being the first.

The second,

I feel better than any drug ever made me feel.

Why?

Because I’m doing what makes me happy.

I feel in total alignment with the highest most

creative and confident part of myself.

 

When you’ve got that, you don’t need much else.

You know who you are.

You know what to do.

You’re ready.

You’re willing.

You trust.

 

And nothing can take that away from you.

It’s that simple.

 

JOURNAL TIME!

First make a list of 10 (or more) things you’ve accomplished throughout your life.
Then, write down and answer the following questions:
What qualities did I need in order to overcome these things?
What can I do today to nurture these qualities?

 

*Bonus: Give yourself (and your journal!) a big ‘ol hug and say,

“THANK YOU!”

quotes for hope
, , , ,

Love, Peace and (Vegan) Chicken Grease

If you’re feeling anxious, this one’s for you.

Peace is possible.

Peace is probable.

I don’t know how,

I just believe.

I easily face my fears

and TRUST

that I know exactly what to do.

 

, , , , ,

Love Letters and Long Goodbyes (A Journal Time Exercise)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J74Md_Ipjs

Adin wanted to announce that today is Journal Time. And he’s pretty cute, so I said okay.

So the title of this is super emo, huh?

Shrug.

Over the past couple weeks, all of these old memories (good and bad) have been surfacing.

I started thinking about all the people I’ve ever crossed paths with and I felt a deep sense of

love and gratitude.

The first I love yous.

Last goodbyes.

I wondered if they were experiencing the same thing.

It was nostalgia galore.

It was as though my body was saying goodbye to each person.

Each memory.

They’ll always be there.

But, I’ve committed to this new me.

The one who doesn’t drink or do drugs.

The one who doesn’t cut herself.

The one who doesn’t need you to accept her.

The one who instead meditates every day.

The one who wrote a book.

The one who is following her dreams.

And refuses to give up.

That’s who I want to be.

My stake is in the ground.

My heart, illuminated.

I’m not afraid to say goodbye to the past.

I love you.

Goodbye.

 

Are you ready to get nostalgic with me? Grab a journal (or a piece of paper or whatever you kids write on these days) and begin by writing down these questions:

If today were my last day on this planet who would I still have something to say to?

What would I say to this person or these people?

 

After answering these questions, write a letter to each person. Tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them thank you. Tell them you’re sorry. Whatever you need to say, say it. The universe will deliver these letters energetically whether you send them or not. The person will feel it. And you’ll know. And they’ll know. That it’s time to move on. It’s time to take back the parts of yourself you’ve given away. And give back the parts you’ve taken. We all deserve to live full lives as whole people.

And that’s exactly what writing these letters will begin to do.

If you’ve feeling extra brave and you feel like you need to send these letters, by all means do it.

Above all, have fun.

, , ,

Ode to My People

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”

Your job is to be you.

It’s the greatest thing you’ll ever do.

You feel so much.

You do so much.

Do you know that it’s enough?

You are enough.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re a human being.

Everyone else is too.

Pick up the pieces of peace as you go.

Your heart will grow and grow and grow.

You know?

You know.

 

, ,

7 Do’s and Don’ts for Estrogen Dominance

This one’s for the ladies.

And for the dudes who love the ladies.

Hormonal imbalance.

Aka if you so much as look at me I will punch you in the face.

But I won’t.

Because that’s not how I roll.

I usually internalized it because I thought there was something wrong with me.

And there was.

With my body.

Not me.

That took a minute for me to fully understand.

I found a state of equilibrium through diet and herbs prior to giving birth to Adin, but if there’s one thing that will mess with balance it’s that.

And so my panic attacks returned.

You see stress and lack of sleep exasperate such conditions.

You’re not crazy.

It’s a real thing.

Others things that make it worse:

1. Pesticides

2. Animal products

3. Drugs/alcohol

4. Anything that taxes your liver

5. Refined crizzap

6. Soy products

7. Plastics

Thankfully I knew all this so I wasn’t doing those 7. For me it was just finding a way to reduce my stress and manage my time and energy.

Bottom line for mums.

Come up with a plan and find support to execute said plan.

Ask for help.

Be okay with the fact that you’re not super mom (you are though!)

Supermoms are supermoms because of who they are not what they do.

In addition:

1. Get your probiotic on

2. Get your cruciferous vegetable on (Brussel sprouts, broccoli, cabbage, etc.)

3. Get your walk on (I used to take thank you walks in the summer which not only got my circulation going, but raised my vibration because I was only focusing on things I was thankful for)

4. Get your magnesium on (I use ionic fizz)

5. Get your journal time on (changes your point of focus and helps you remember it’s just your hormones)

6. Get your meditation on

7. Get your Glee on. Sing loudly.

 

I hope this helps you!

Mucho love,

Me.

p.s. You’ve got this.

, , ,

Messy Ass Mess

When life gets messy, clean it up.

Duh, I know.

Hear me out for a sec though.

I clean up about 54638374 messes a day because I have a toddler who loves to make messes. He doesn’t think about the fact that he’ll have to clean it up.

He just stirs shit up. 

Some days I don’t feel like cleaning. Today though, I wasn’t giving any thought to it or putting any energy into it. I just picked up the toys and I was done.

Then I had the thought, “when life gets messy, clean it up.”

So many times I’ve focused on the “here we go again” of the process of picking up the pieces.

And so many times that has been counterproductive.

Counterproductive, yes.

But, easily resolved.

Life isn’t perfect.

I’m not perfect.

That’s nothing to get mad about.

I can get mad briefly if it’ll make me feel better, but when I focus on the improvement, or the fact that I didn’t stay angry quite as long or the fact that today was just a little easier than the day prior, I’m putting a welcome mat out, inviting more things into my life that are just a little better.

You know what you have to do. Don’t let what you haven’t done stop you. The moment you realize you’re beating the shit out of yourself, stop that shit.That made me chuckle.

Be a super hero.

Come to your own damn rescue.

CLEAN UP THE SHIT AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

 

And remember:

You are still lovable when…

You stumble over your words

When you don’t know what to say

When you don’t say anything at all

When you’re frustrated

When you’re angry

When no one is looking

When everyone is looking

When you’re being judged

When you’re judging yourself

When you feel hopeless

 

You are still lovable

When you don’t see it

When you can’t feel it

When there isn’t anyone there to remind you

 

I.love.you.

feel your feelings
, ,

If It’ll Make You Feel Better…

  • Have a fit
  • Get pissed off
  • Say UGHHH
  • Shake your fists
  • Write a damn blog post about it
  • Cry about it

Get it OUT! Your feelings need to be felt, it won’t take long for them to turn into something better as long as that’s what you’d like to happen. It won’t take long for the shit to turn back into happiness if that’s what you’re aiming for.

self-harm mental health
, , , ,

A Former Cutter’s Rant

The following is a poetic retelling of my experience with cutting, panic disorder, drugs and rejection. It is my intention to give those with similar experiences a voice. To say, you’re not alone. You’re okay. This won’t last forever. You’ve got this. You’re doing just fine.

It bothered me that you didn’t ask.
I hated how you pretended you didn’t notice.
I heard what you said about me behind my back.
But I didn’t say a word.
I believed every word you said.
I didn’t look up.
I stared at the ground.
You said I was scary,
But I was just scared.
You said I was crazy,
But I wasn’t even there.
I was nowhere to be found.
I didn’t exist.
That’s why I have these scars on my wrists.
You didn’t ask,
But now I’m going to tell you.
When you can’t handle your life,
Your options are few.
When you can’t handle your life,
No one can handle you.
It’s not that I wanted to be this way.
I hate the words “are you okay?”
So riddled with expectation.
I had to say yes.
I had to pretend.
Did I pass the test?
Is this a test?
Hello, can you hear?
No my dear, you’re all alone here.
I’m just a notebook.
Remember me?
Snap out of it Carrie.
Hear my plea, hear my plea.
“Stop it.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Here we go again.”
The worst things to hear
When no one hears you.
“Hey, we’ve given up on you.”
A lost cause.
A statistic.
A textbook example.
Of a girl who’s lost her mind.
What’s the diagnosis?
Bipolar’s just fine.
Oh labels, let’s dance.
I’ll give you a chance.
Friends are my fears.
Bad habits and jokes.
Friends are manic.
Depression.
And dope.
Good day.
Let’s play.
Take a dip.
Take a spin.
Now I’m spun.
Wow, she’s even crazier than before.
She’s talking to herself.
She’s hard to ignore.
Well, not that hard.
Let’s just close the door.
Let’s leave her there.
Yawn.
What a bore.
She’s exhausting.
And she hardly says a word.
She’s stuck in her notebook.
In her own little world.
My world is the only world that is safe.
But do you think I don’t hear every word you say?
I can recite it back to you if that’s what you’d like.
I can tell you
Whatever you’d like.
I’m here to please you.
It’s what I do best.
Are you impressed?
I doubt it.
I can’t breathe.
This pressure is too much.
When, oh God when will I be enough?
I said I can’t breathe.
Can I please disappear?
Crazy crazy crazy crazy.
Fear fear fear.
The thoughts just get louder.
And louder.
And then.
I grab something
To make the pain end.
I have to feel something
Other than this.
I have to feel something.
Is this all there is?
Oh razor blade, you’ll have to do.
Alright arms and legs,
I’m going to cut you.
Relief starts to spread
As the blade touches my skin.
I have to go deeper. 
I have to win.
I didn’t want to die.
At least not all the time.
I didn’t want to die.
I just wanted to fly.
Far far away.
And never come back.
I’m back to my senses.
This blood is bright red.
I notice.
I see.
I am not in my head.
My thoughts are now focused
On this puddle of blood.
The torture has ceased.
I can hear myself breathe.
 
 
I love you. You can do this.
, ,

If You’re Having a Panic Attack, Read This:

This is an excerpt from Journals Have Feelings Too that I wanted to share:

You are having a panic attack right now and that is okay. You have these thoughts right now and it is okay. Your only job RIGHT NOW is to be present. Whatever is going on can be resolved at a later time. You do not have to know everything or resolve every problem all at once. That is impossible. This will not last forever. See these words. There is nothing wrong with you. No one is judging you right now. You can come back. You can do this.